DAY 8 -- A BAG OF RICE

30 Days, 30 Gods -- A study of little-known religions

DAY 8
A BAG OF RICE

I always hated Melissa. She worked in my office. She'd only been there three years - where did she get off ordering me around? I order office supplies on the first Monday of the month. She should've talked to me before then if she needed something.

But I knew how to get back at her. I learned this from my grandmother, who brought it with her when she immigrated. I'm glad my parents left me with her, she taught me so much. I got beat up once for knowing how to sew, but this time it paid off.

I stitched her name, MELISSA, in a flowing script on some cloth cut from an old t-shirt. I folded the rectangle of cloth over and began to sew it up into a pillow or bag shape. When there was only an inch left, I filled it up with rice. Uncooked rice from Kroger. I finished the stitching and closed it up.

I took the bag into work and put it in the bottom of one of her drawers first thing in the morning. Of course, she was late and a slob, so she had no idea. The next month, the first thing I did after placing the Staples order was to stroll into her cubicle while she was in the bathroom and get my rice bag back.

Now I can get her whenever she crosses me. One night I left the bag under the front tire of my car; she came in the next morning with two black eyes! I left it in the freezer for a week once, her lips were blue continuously by the end. And of course I have pins and stick her in the microwave and sometimes just throw the bag across the room.

Hey, next Monday, I think I'll order a new stapler!